Life is not fair, Literally

In the past 3 weeks, i have built a high wall around myself towards any people, especially that person. This wall just happened to help me a lot in the past. To make sure i don't look back anymore. Actually, i built this wall just because i want to end everything between me and this person. To all the memories we had shared, to all the impossibilities we have and to all things that happened between us. Yeah, for all the 3 weeks i had forgotten everything (trying at least) and it seemed good things was going to happen to my life again. I made up some reason (so i can tell people why we're not closer anymore) was because i had a fight with this person and really hate this person ignorance toward me. While most of the part still true, yet i think it is such a strong suggestion that myself found i am really having fight. And out of the blue, i was sending a letter about how i hate this person and how i want this person know what the mistakes. And from that moment, the wall i had built for a long time been falling apart. And everything comes back to me, all the memories, the joy, the sorrow and the heartache.

So on that day, i gave up again for myself and i don't know but honestly i've been thinking about something every people shouldn't think about. I don't know if i can escape from this reality anymore. I mean, i don't have any place to escape anymore. I can't rely anymore to my thought and my heart, since both of them are destroying and killing me daily. And all i can do just to be involved in very busy activities, which had me left little time to think about anything. I think this is my last feasible choice. Others? I can't think about it. 

Should i tell my feelings? Nah, it would ruin everything more than everything's happened. It is never easy to walk alone in this world. I just don't want to make people around me get burdened by my problem. Every people is already having their own problems which my problems wouldn't be a great addition to them. So, is there any people who i can trust? Or just someone who i can shared with? Perhaps not this time.

Lol, it's quite true :)