Rabu, 19 Desember 2012

My friend said

Randomly, kita lagi ngomongin inception rame-rame dan ada temen yang ngomong 
"Kem, kalau misalnya hidup cuman isinya sorrowful sama sadness doang tapi di mimpi lo tetep bahagia terus. Lo lebih milih yang mana?" 
 "Hem... Kalo gue sih lebih milih hidup sedih aja deh kayaknya dari pada cuman mimpi doang"
 "Yakin banget? Kalo gue sih mending prefer get no life at all, mending mati deh"
 Geez, serandom itu pembicaraan mahasiswa ya hahaha

P.S : But that is true, choosing one of them to live on just make everything become harder. 

Minggu, 02 Desember 2012

Have You?

Have you ever reached a point in your life, which is you feel tired to face the reality and the dreams itself? I mean like the reality gave you alot of pressure and alot of stressful situation that you might not expect and you just feel sorrowfulness in life and try to avoid every single thing in your life. Or the dreams that give you alot of impossibilities inside, it just too good to be true things, it would never happened in life, it just mere of an illusion. So what kind of life i can expect on this point?

Senin, 26 November 2012

Gratitude

"When One Thousand Words of thank you still never get enough to say my gratitude to My God for what He has done. But again and again, Thank You very much God. Thank you and very thank you"

Kamis, 25 Oktober 2012

Analogy

You're very exhausted and very thirsty now, There is a glass in front of you. There are two different events after this part. First, The Glass is emptied. Second, The Glass is full of water. For the Emptied Glass you Think it will not help you to relieve the thirsty, you'll just feel the same, still exhausted and thirsty. But the water in the glass is giving you some fear that you are still feeling thirsty after drinking it.
Which one you will choose?

Rabu, 12 September 2012

Something Has Lost

I do not know what things have been lost from myself, but i found that there is something different than ever. Still wondering. Can not described it either but for sure, It is just a bit... hollow.

Kamis, 12 Juli 2012

I think i know

I think i know, How its feel..
When you lost your faith and you lost your hope
When your world's shattered into pieces..
or just when you feel numb about pain and rejection

I think i know, How confusing at that moment
When the world seems so empty
When there's no one left to be happy with
or just when the time flew, yet you don't know what to do

I think i know, How hard the life is
When opportunity always coming late
When regretting is your only option
or just when Life left you empty handed

I think i know, that myself is lost

Rabu, 11 Juli 2012

New Addiction



I really want to watch their concert on 14th July, sadly i can't. And the saddest part is Sonia (On the left, fyi) already married with someone :o

Selasa, 10 Juli 2012

I was Touched

" I don't ask to spend my life with you, a day or a month, or a week. I just need a few minutes to tell you how much you mean to me. I need to thank you for changing my life, for teaching me to never give up from my dreams. It's hard to know that you're million miles away from me. But you know what? My love and admiration for you is bigger than this barrier built by the distance. You light up my world in the darkest time of my life; you gave me the strength that I needed to face life with a smile. Its funny how someone can bring you back to life just for a simple gesture and it's even funnier when that person doesn't even know how much they did for you. Deep inside you know that there's someone in this world whose life was changed by your smile, by every funny thing you've said, by every single word that you said. You made me a better person, and I want you to be happy. I want you to have someone that will change your life, just like you did with mine. I know that in the future, words will get lost; nothing is going to be like today, but I will remember those times when you used to be my world, the hope that I will never lost; when you cheered me up just with a simple smile. But one thing I know is that you will never leave my life, no matter how much I will grow. I am proud of you, and I always will. "

 - I copied this from someone living in Venice, Italy. 

Rabu, 20 Juni 2012

Personality Disorder. Have I?

Personality Disorder atau lebih kenalnya dengan gangguan kepribadian. Iseng - Iseng sih ikut, personality disorder tes Disini dan hasilnya cukup sesuai sama personality sendiri. Walaupun saya yakin ini lebih tepat menunjukkan traits saya daripada disorder. Btw, ini macam2 disordernya, It's bit too long to read but worth to read.

Paranoid
Gangguan kepribadian paranoid ditandai oleh ketidakpercayaan kepada orang lain dan kecurigaan berlebih bahwa orang di sekitarnya memiliki motif jahat. Orang dengan kelainan ini cenderung memiliki kepercayaan yang berlebihan pada pengetahuan dan kemampuan mereka sendiri dan biasanya menghindari hubungan dekat. Mereka mencari makna tersembunyi dalam segala sesuatu dan membaca niat bermusuhan ke dalam tindakan orang lain. Mereka suka mengetest kesetiaan teman dan orang-orang terkasih dan sering tampak dingin dan menjauh. Mereka biasanya suka menyalahkan orang lain dan cenderung membawa dendam lama.

Schizoid
Orang dengan gangguan kepribadian Schizoid menghindari hubungan dengan orang lain dan tidak menunjukkan banyak emosi. Tidak seperti avoidants, schizoids benar-benar lebih suka menyendiri dan tidak diam-diam menginginkan popularitas. Mereka cenderung mencari pekerjaan yang memerlukan sedikit kontak sosial. keterampilan sosial mereka lemah dan mereka tidak menunjukkan perlunya perhatian atau penerimaan. Mereka dianggap tidak punya selera humor dan jauh dan sering disebut sebagai "penyendiri."

Schizotypal
Banyak yang percaya bahwa gangguan kepribadian schizotypal mewakili skizofrenia ringan. gangguan ini ditandai oleh bentuk-bentuk berpikir dan memahami dengan cara yang aneh, dan individu dengan gangguan ini sering mencari isolasi dari orang lain. Mereka kadang-kadang percaya untuk memiliki kemampuan indra yang ekstra atau kegiatan yang tidak berhubungan berhubungan dengan mereka dalam beberapa cara penting. Mereka umumnya berperilaku eksentrik dan sulit berkonsentrasi untuk waktu yang lama. pidato mereka sering lebih rumit dan sulit untuk diikuti.

Antisocial
banyak yang salah paham bahwa gangguan kepribadian antisosial mengacu pada orang yang memiliki keterampilan sosial yang buruk. Sebaliknya, gangguan kepribadian antisosial ditandai oleh kurangnya hati nurani. Orang dengan gangguan ini rentan terhadap perilaku kriminal, percaya bahwa korban-korban mereka lemah dan pantas dimanfaatkan. Antisocials cenderung suka berbohong dan mencuri. Sering kali, mereka tidak hati-hati dengan uang dan mengambil tindakan tanpa berpikir tentang konsekuensi nya . Mereka sering agresif dan jauh lebih peduli dengan kebutuhan mereka sendiri daripada kebutuhan orang lain. 


Borderline
Borderline personality disorder ditandai oleh ketidakstabilan suasana hati dan miskin citra diri. Orang dengan gangguan ini rentan terhadap perubahan suasana hati dan kemarahan yang konstan. Sering kali, mereka akan melampiaskan kemarahan pada diri mereka sendiri, mencederai tubuh mereka sendiri, ancaman bunuh diri dan tindakan yang tidak biasa. Batasan berpikir secara hitam dan putih sangat kuat, hubungan yang sarat dengan konflik. Mereka cepat marah ketika harapan mereka tidak terpenuhi.

Histrionic
Orang dengan gangguan kepribadian Histrionicadalah pencari perhatian konstan. Mereka perlu menjadi pusat perhatian setiap waktu, sering mengganggu orang lain untuk mendominasi pembicaraan. Mereka menggunakan bahasa muluk-muluk untuk menggambarkan kejadian sehari-hari dan mencari pujian konstan. Mereka suka berpakaian ”yang memancing” atau melebih-lebihkan kelemahannya untuk mendapatkan perhatian. Mereka juga cenderung membesar-besarkan persahabatan dan hubungan, percaya bahwa setiap orang menyukai mereka. Mereka sering manipulatif. 

Narcissistic
gangguan kepribadian Narcissistic dicirikan oleh keterpusatan diri. Seperti gangguan Histrionic, orang-orang dengan gangguan ini senang mencari perhatian dan pujian. Mereka membesar-besarkan prestasi mereka, mengharapkan orang lain untuk mengakui mereka sebagai superior. Mereka cenderung teman, karena mereka percaya bahwa tidak sembarang orang yang layak menjadi teman mereka. Narsisis cenderung membuat kesan pertama yang baik, namun mengalami kesulitan menjaga hubungan jangka panjang. Mereka umumnya tidak tertarik pada perasaan orang lain dan dapat mengambil keuntungan dari mereka. 

Avoidant 
gangguan kepribadian yang ditandai dengan kegelisahan sosial yang ekstrim. Orang dengan gangguan ini sering merasa ”tidak cukup”, menghindari situasi sosial, dan mencari pekerjaan dengan sedikit kontak dengan orang lain. Avoidant takut ditolak dan khawatir jika mereka memalukan diri mereka sendiri di depan orang lain. Mereka membesar-besarkan potensi kesulitan pada situasi baru untuk membuat orang berpikir agar menghindari situasi itu. Sering kali, mereka akan menciptakan dunia fantasi untuk pengganti yang asli. Tidak seperti gangguan kepribadian skizofrenia, avoidant merindukan hubungan sosial, tetapi belum merasa mereka bisa mendapatkannya. Mereka sering mengalami depresi dan memiliki kepercayaan diri yang rendah. 

Dependent
gangguan kepribadian ini ditandai dengan kebutuhan untuk dijaga. Orang dengan kelainan ini cenderung bergantung pada orang dan merasa takut kehilangan mereka. Mereka mungkin menjadi bunuh diri ketika berpisah dengan orang yang dicintai. Mereka cenderung untuk membiarkan orang lain mengambil keputusan penting bagi mereka dan sering melompat dari hubungan satuke hubungan yang lainnya. mereka sering bertahan dalam suatu hubungan, walaupun sering dikasari atau disakiti. kepekaan berlebih terhadap penolakan umum. Mereka sering merasa tak berdaya dan tertekan. 

Obsessive Compulsive
nama gangguan kepribadian Obsesif-Kompulsif (OCDP) mirip dengan kecemasan obsesif-kompulsif, namun keduanya sangat berbeda. Orang dengan gangguan kepribadian obsesif-kompulsif terlalu fokus pada keteraturan dan kesempurnaan. Mereka harus melakukan segalanya "benar" sering mengganggu produktivitas mereka. Mereka cenderung untuk terjebak dalam halhal yang detil, namun kehilangan gambaran yang lebih besar. Mereka menetapkan standar yang tinggi tidak masuk akal untuk diri mereka sendiri dan orang lain, dan cenderung sangat kritis terhadap orang lain ketika mereka tidak hidup sampai saat ini standar yang tinggi. Mereka menghindari bekerja dalam tim, percaya orang lain terlalu ceroboh atau tidak kompeten. Mereka menghindari membuat keputusan karena mereka takut membuat kesalahan dan jarang murah hati dengan waktu atau uang. Mereka sering mengalami kesulitan mengekspresikan emosi. 

My Result :

DisorderRating
Paranoid:Moderate
Schizoid:Moderate
Schizotypal:Moderate
Antisocial:Low
Borderline:Moderate
Histrionic:High
Narcissistic:High
Avoidant:High
Dependent:Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:High

I presume that the result suits me very well, i guess. So what you are?

Selasa, 19 Juni 2012

Tuesday's Joke


It's lil scary if happened to me. Lol.

Fluttered Words in My Mind. Always.

"Some Words are better unspoken and some feelings are better remain unsaid"
                                                                                                                       -  London Wild Rose

Minggu, 10 Juni 2012

Disconnect to Connect



Equality & LGBT

Jaman yang semakin canggih dan semakin terbuka kayaknya ngenuntut kita untuk coba memahami masalah yang sedang lagi in banget di kalangan dunia. Masalah equality. Masalah kelompok LGBT dengan kelompok masyarakat. Yah, Lesbian Gay Bisex Transgender ini kelompok yang sebenarnya udah bukan hal yang baru buat kita semua. Even in Islam History, Gay had already lived in Luth Alaihisalam's Era and have lived until now. Jadi kayaknya bisa dibilang berarti udah ribuan tahun kaum LGBT sebenarnya ada. Cuman mereka yang nggak mau keluar menuju publik.

Bisa dipahami dengan sangat jelas kenapa mereka nggak menuju publik. They're different with others. Society will laugh and intimidate them. Bisa dibilang juga masyarakat ngebikin HAM itu nggak ada di mereka. Siapa sih yang nggak takut kalo ngerasa beda sendirian? yang jelas-jelas di mata mereka kalo jadi beda itu resiko. Resiko di hina, di tertawakan, dicemooh atau parahnya di-bully oleh masyarakat.

Tapi berhubung udah abad 21, jaman makin oke buat demokrasi dan bicara di depan umum. Sekarang makin banyak kaum-kaum LGBT yang go public dan orasi tentang keberadaan mereka. Banyak golongan LGBT yang udah minta demo kebebasan mengenai mereka. But sorry, i'm not supporting LGBT. Kalimat ini nggak salah kok, emang saya nggak support LGBT, saya nggak mau ngelihat demoralisasi yang makin parah gara -gara adanya LGBT. Saya juga percaya dengan agama saya bahwa LGBT itu haram. Bahkan, kalaupun saya misalnya seorang LGBT, pasti saya sudah bergejolak setiap hari nya karena berubah itu susah kecuali memang niat pengen berubah.

Tapi, i'm so not that extremist you know. Saya masih support hak-hak mereka untuk hidup, untuk bisa gabung di masyarakat, untuk bisa menyampaikan pendapat mereka, untuk tenang dan damai. LGBT is your choice, not my business. Siapapun kalian, Lesbian Gay Normal selama kalian berbuat baik semua juga akan berbuat baik. Cukup hindari stigma-stigma yang ada. Hidup lah sesuai pilihan, toh bahagia kan ditangan sendiri juga. Saya bakal tetap bantu kalian untuk hidup seperti masyarakat biasa, tapi saya tidak akan mau untuk membantu melegalkan LGBT. If you accepted yourself as LGBT then go on, if you want to change well you can and there's nothing impossible since God always be with you :)

Midnite Views

Feat. Lutpi Neni Sarah, I'm cool (?)

Feat. Princess Fifi, baleklah pulok fi ke palembang golden member ini haha

Feat. People who filled my life. thnkyou so much Science4

Feat. Benny Ijon Yuli Lutpi. Taken on d-day before Olympiad. I'm so fcking miss this.  

Feat Hana Lutpi Neni Apek. kurang momo huhu

Feat. Fifi Neni Apek Val. Lutpi's metal pose.

Feat Kevinly and the girls. 

Feat Part of Science4. We were riding boats B)

An old photo :)

Kamis, 07 Juni 2012

Another Day

For no reason, getting the spirit to write again here haha well not much i'm going to write. Another song from Pinocchio - When You Wish upon a Star by Ken Hirai :D

Rabu, 06 Juni 2012

Ken Hirai

Kemarin lagi asik baca baca sambil ngedengerin lagu. Playlist tetep bukan mainstream, I'm so not into that mainstream things, bodo ah walau nggak gaul ikutin mainstream tapi bakal selalu gaul dari hati (?) btw, playlist sih playlist yang dibuat pas 2010 kmrin eh nggak sengaja ketemu penyanyi lama favorit saya. Udah lama nggak ngikutin perkembangan dia tau2 aja udah 40 umurnya. Tapi tetep jatuh cinta sama suaranya walaupun nggak tau semua lagunya.

He is Ken Hirai. One of my favorite man singer beside Josh Groban. J-pop sih, terakhir dengerin jpop sih kaya SMP awal2. Lumayan kangen sih sama yang berbau jpop. Keliatan bukan orang jepang tapi orang jepang beneran dia. 2011 kemarin baru ngeluarin studio album yang baru padahal karir udah dari 1993 tapi masih aktif. Lirik2 lagunya juga lebih masuk akal aja dibandingin lagu2 asia sekarang, agak gimana gitu liriknya. By the way, He is amazing.


The intro is like Cherrybelle song hahaha 

Keep Singing, Hirai Ken!

Minggu, 27 Mei 2012

You do stupid things because Love?

lol, the title up there seems fit to me right now. Yesterday it had been pleasure for me to be accepted in my favorite university Itb, but i was accepted on the wrong faculty. it is kind of confusing for me to choose whether i go on with the prestige or keep myself with passion. A day, i kept thinking about it for a day. Kinda harsh thinking though.

I thought people will say "are you stupid or something for throw itb off over private college" but thanks, instead people advise me to choose with my choice and my heart carefully. This is your life so make sure to not make any regret after then. Thank you everyone for your advice :') i owe you lot.

and so, i decided that i am proudly as #GwAnakPrasmul batch 08 :)

and congrats for eka that had chosen and stand firmly with her choice and accepting herself as UGM college student! (which is that yesterday we had some doubt with our choices)
other congrats may go too for Hana, Sarah Mareta, Cindy, Olla and Oci! Congrats for everyone and success for you all :D

some notes : Itb doesn't have any blacklist policy and so it will okay for my school and my grader below me. 

Sabtu, 26 Mei 2012

Risau Galau Entahlah

Well, I'm not quite sure should i be happy or not.....


Destiny? I Hope so

Great, Holiday with no upcoming holiday plans made me deciding to participate in snmptn on 12th-13th june. Took social science as my major test without any experience on this major but it's fine. It's a challenge for me. a Total challenge to measure how far my spirit can go and how long i can stay in boredom. Economics, Sociology, Geography and History are things that amazingly i'm interested in now. Anyway, i'm very lazy with book-reading instead i'm learning from Digital-Learning which is a better way to study.

I am not a pre-college student that interested in state-owned college, i prefer studying in Private college. Well to be sure i don't have any interest with it, don't know why. Maybe since i entered education, i was raised in private school at elementary level and high school level except the junior level. That's why i got that mindset :p 

I'm already falling love with Prasetiya Mulya, i have taken look at its curriculum, it offers me many curriculum that may be not in others college's curriculum. It's bit a weird huh for a high school leavers choosing his next education based on curriculum? I think so, but yeah curriculum is thing i'm going to struggle with for 4 years. If you hate some, you'll not enjoy others. But, this is how universe works, i'm already falling in love with the curriculum before i took entrance test. I love how new building i'm going to study. I love how binus, uph and others college my friends attended to is in the same region. I love how the entrance test system, I love their college systems, i love their names since many companies know lots about it. I love their very bright blue jacket (even PalcomTe*h university use the same color but still kinda love it). I love how they give a scholarship to all level economy, i means many college divide economy level only to two. Upper Level and Lower Level. They always forget about the middle level, but thank God, private colleges offer much scholarship to all level and so the chances are big for middle level family like me.

I've ever think Prasetiya Mulya is a God's line for me because well, in October 2011 Prasetiya Mulya had opened the entrance test for Jakarta region, i really want to participate because there was a scholarship test too but dad and mom would not allowed me to go to Jakarta. I feel kinda lost my hope for entering it. Coming back from Bandung after very terrific trip with friends in February 2012, one day i was checking their site and found there would be an entrance test in Palembang oh my God, and of course the scholarship was still available and not only that i didn't pay for the entrance test too. and got a scholarship too. Oh My God, i couldn't say anything better to express happiness on that time. Well, I feel this is what i called with destiny.

I know my mother's friends won't know anything about Prasetiya Mulya they even ask many times how to spell it but it doesn't matter, for me how i lived next 4 years with passion is more important to me than living with prestigious name and forcing my brain, I can't stand with any Natural Science materials. I'm already in love with Prasetiya Mulya. Well, there still a lot of time to take this seriously as my destiny but i really put my faith into this pray "I hope this is the one" aamiin. 

God Bless me for my future, i believe in you. And God Bless Kumbang '09 and especially Science4 for their SNMPTN test and their future. You're the Mightiest God :)


Minggu, 13 Mei 2012

err... what is this?

Jaman friendster dulu kayaknya ngetren banget sama slideshow-generator macam rockyou gini.
Cuman nggak tau deh ini foto2nya kemana, by the way the song is still nice to be heard 

Rabu, 02 Mei 2012

Oh really...

Prom Night have ended. Never thought that i'll be very mellow like this since on the last day of school i'm not very sad because i thought everyone still be together for awhile and not going to change everything. Seeing Luthfi, Fathan, Eka, Hana, Tania flew to Jakarta and Bandung suddenly make me feel losing something and not only that. I'm already missing everyone so bad :( No more party-ing , no more watching together, no more accompany to eating. I'm going to miss unimportant talk and school talk with luthfi, jokes from fathan, "kode" and "risau" talk with eka, gossiping with hana and bully-ing Tania :( Damn I'm surely gonna miss them everytime :(

.... i don't know what to say, i'm so speechless...
it's so unfair when the goodbyes always feeling like this yet hellos have so much better feeling.
I'm praying the best for you all. Goodluck buddies! May God Blessed all the times.
If you all have time, be sure to contact me ;)

Senin, 23 April 2012

2012

Just Realising that it is 2012
Everything could happened without any notice
Anything is possible 

What a big surprise  =))

Sabtu, 21 April 2012

Love is A Four Letter Word

Life never met tiredness

Capek itu cuman berusaha sendiri tanpa ada hasil
Capek itu cuman nolong tapi sia-sia
Capek itu kalo nggak ada yang bilang makasih sama yang dilakukan
Capek itu care sama orang dan nggak ada yang sadar
Capek itu selalu ngarep balesan untuk yang pertama kali
Capek itu when everything is being gloomy all of sudden
Capek itu cuman dianggukin iya tapi nggak mau tau
Capek itu saat memberi semuanya tapi nggak dihargain
Capek itu karena bertahan...
Yet, capek-capek itu percuma...

Selasa, 20 Maret 2012

K all around

Okay...
I just love this song and its meaning. deeply and meaningful.



P.S : I've been addicted with So Shi and suddenly become a sone --" 

Minggu, 26 Februari 2012

Somehow

I accepted everything and it was very fine, excluded one matter. I'm still hoping for no reasons, even tough i know what the consequences are for me. I know that from the start it is going to be hard-way yet i still want to through that way.

Miracles are only miraculous miracle. It is never happened. That time i realized that we'll never make it. But who knows someday my effort is going to be paid by God. All i can do is wishing and hoping. It is a hope that i'll only wish ever for ...

Rabu, 22 Februari 2012

Yeah, that's the truth

I don't know what to say right now... It just that everything happened for reasons now. Somehow, i enjoy my absurd life. I really enjoy it right now, no matter how absurd it is.... I still fucked in love with you for all of these three years
God might know the best yet i'm still hoping that another fate will meet me.