One day you feel you can conquer the world then other day you just want to hide and lock yourself in deepest darkness. I guess this is what happened to me. I mean like I've been happy and ambitious enough start new life for almost 20 days (i did not really count it actually) then few days later i am just very hard to get my shit together. Really, i am kind of confuse about myself, i mean even myself cannot understand myself anymore. I mean who i really am? What i really want? What things make me happy? What things sadden me? Really, i just can't answer those questions anymore. I don't know who i really am anymore.
If there is a thing that should make me happy, i am not immediately happy but rather i am trying to be happy and try to expressing happiness, just to convince it is thing that make me happy. Actually, should not we try anything to express happiness? Then, what am i?
To think, i was so silly that i thought those 20 days were good start for me. It just mere a delusional part of me. Nah, more likely i am just trying to find something to believe but nothing there, nothing is coming to me. Hope, dream, and wish... those are just words. I can't seem remember when is the last time i hope onto something. I am all but nothing now.
If this is a disease, tell me how to cure. If this is an obstacle, tell me how to pass. If this is a test, tell me how to study. But if it is none any of them, tell me it is going to be okay.
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