Been Thinking (Finally)

"To what you could never possibly have in the future, will we learn much or suffer much or both from you in the present?" 

Well, it is quite something for me. Whether things that we could never have will only give suffer or not. Been on my mind for a while, why we need to face something/someone that we could never have if they were not meant to be. It has been a while, i had done with my end-term test while i were doing for many things, such as starting to not be too dependable to a person. Quite resolution indeed, but yeah let see the result later on. Yesterday, was the day. The special day, for me, because it was the last time i saw very important one in person. Though, it was my resolve to not thinking this person as special person again and I have been trying right now so i wish i could forgot every moment that we had cherished and shared in these 2 months of holiday. Finally, life is getting upturn -at least for this moment-

Anyway i have been busy for things i am not quite sure whether being with them is comfortable or not. Or actually It just my anxiety toward people now. The truth, i am in the state of fearing of welcoming people to my life, kind of not wanting to meet new people and -a little intention- people i have known. I thought some place was comfortable but somehow someone made it not right, i am just can't stand against them and it lessen the comfortable i have felt. Convincing yourself, perhaps is the thing i do right now to make sure i am still capable doing everything i have committed to and ensure no relationship conflict with other people. The best way i thought. But only one or two made me feel uncomfortable, the rest were very good and very warm. They welcome me very well and listen to my words, being acknowledged is a rare thing nowadays, so at least they still make me feel very comfortable.

I did not know this thing is another problem or not, but having someone text-ed me saying sweet words have changed my mood for the whole day, only once though. I do not know if this is another upturn or just going to be another depression. Let see what God has planned for me in the future time :-)