Good Days Finally

These three days from Monday to Wednesday i always wake up with good feelings, without any over-worried or kind of hatred toward the new day. It just feel good again, wake up without any hardship i brought from yesterday and yeah, it just feel good. Thank to my friend who encouraged me, i do not know, but i feel this is the first time that such encouragement could be affecting my life in a whole, it literally changes my view suddenly. It still does not solve everything but someone made me to realize that we still have good positive over the problem we have. So keep believing the strengths within yourself! and keep believing to The Almighty sooner or later you will always get His Help, verily His Help is always near. Alhamdulillah & Thank You!

Phlegmatic

The phlegmatic personality is low-key, easygoing and relaxed.  They are patient, well-balanced and calm.  They usually have a consistent and well-balanced lifestyle.  While they are quiet, they are also possess a witty sense of humor.  They are sympathetic and kindhearted. They are content in almost any surrounding or circumstance and go with the flow of life. They have a calming disposition in times of trouble. They are not open about their emotions and are not quick to express their true feelings -- mainly because they do not want to hurt another's feelings.  They do not like feeling vulnerable by exposing their own thoughts without trusting first.

The phlegmatic will take time for others and is not hurried.  They are very patient with children and make wonderful parents.  They can take the good with the bad and do not easily become upset.  They are competent, steady, peaceful and agreeable.  They oftentimes possess excellent administrative ability.  They are natural born mediators and work well under pressure.

In a group setting, they are easy to get along with.  They are excellent listeners with a dry sense of humor.  They enjoy watching people and oftentimes have many friends.  People are naturally drawn to them because of their accepting, easygoing nature.  All-in-all, every group and every family would benefit from the stabilizing force of at least one phlegmatic!

If you have two phlegmatics in a house that caught fire they would each wait it out to see who gets off the couch first to call the fire department! If you have two phlegmatics on a working committee with a deadline approaching they would have difficulty deciding what needs to be done and both would avoid discussing the matter hoping it will go away.  A phlegmatic group needs the leadership of a strong choleric or a fussy melancholy.  A phlegmatic person is the only type of personality that will tolerate these strong temperaments anyway.  (The good thing is we are all a blend of temperaments to balance us all out!)

A phlegmatic temperament, in spite of the many wonderful characteristics can have its downside, like every temperament.  They can be unenthusiastic and do not get revved up very easily.  That can be very frustrating to the fireball, changeable sanguine temperament -- even though the balance of the phlegmatic is is exactly what a sanguine temperament needs.

A phlegmatic can become addicted to worry.  They need assurance. They can be resistant to change and that can make them indecisive and insecure in decision making. They need a lot of encouragement, even though they appear secure and confident. Remember that they do not openly express their fears or their feelings. Be sensitive with a phlegmatic.  Be as kind and considerate to them as they will be to you.

Depending on how strong the phlegmatic tendencies are, they will avoid taking on any more responsibility than needed. Again, they need to be encouraged to take on responsibility because they are very capable. Encourage and praise them.

Do not be totally fooled by their easygoing nature.  They can possess a quiet will of iron that is as immovable as a rock. They can be very stubborn and never admit it. They can be self-righteous and a little selfish at times. They will try to place decision making responsibilities onto others. They can be judgmental, sarcastic, and teasing.

They have difficulty setting goals and can lack self-motivation.  They can be difficult to get moving and they deeply resent being pushed.  They would much rather watch than be the active participant.

If you are blessed with a phlegmatic child, realize that they need direct and positive motivation.  Do not expect them to respond in immediate enthusiasm.  It is not part of their nature. Instead of pushing or judging, help them set goals and provide them with benchmark rewards.

While you may need to force a phlegmatic person to make a decision out of necessity, do not push them to make a decision and then blame them if it does not work out.  This is very detrimental to a phlegmatic's self-esteem.  They have a sensitive ego, but they will never let you see that you have hurt it. Remember that their quiet easygoing temperament makes them easy targets.  Be careful not to take advantage of them.

In conflict, do not accept their first "no", but continue to show them the confidence you have in their ability to lead or make sound decisions once motivated. Give them time and a little space to adjust to new changes and provide them with information and encouragement to help them sort through decisions. Appreciate their kind and even disposition.  Appreciate that they will not make hasty decisions and have excellent, well-balanced problem solving abilities.

Treat a phlegmatic individual very, very nice. They are a gift. As a matter of fact, every individual is a unique and special gift! As in all temperaments, be accepting of differences and appreciate our unique individualities. Learn to accept the good with the bad in oneself as well as in others. Lighten up on yourself as well as on others.  Life is short and relationships are a major and necessary part of a richness in life.

Copied from : http://www.mediationworksnorth.org/a/j/tips/15-the-easy-going-phlegmatic

It's a confession. or not.

The truth, i am actually feel bored with this mellow situation hahaha but that's how the story is in now. At the midst of activities, i am doing good with everything, my academic, my social life, my organization and committee life, and really everything has been so good. Especially for the academic, even though i put less effort on some course and i never expect much and even do not care anymore, but thank God i still got very good result. I feel like God has planned for me.Once again, Thank God.

Actually i need someone to talk to about my problems, mostly about my personal problems. But yeah i would prefer to not tell to my friends because i can not speak everything i'd want to. My lips freeze and sealed tight suddenly every time i want to tell to others. So, in the end i couldn't speak anything and yeah, i am trapped inside my own problems never getting others' perspective about my own problems. Seems like very troubled-teenager right hahaha

I just have two friends that i really trusted so much. But still, i can't say anything. At least, one of them always know when i suddenly got quite out of the blue, and the other one always know how to make a good day. To be honest, i feel more distance with one of my friend. And it saddens me very much. I mean, like after all this time, why we got distance. I know i am not quite that smart to your preferences and quite boring indeed but yeah it so happened quickly. I might lose someone who i trust so much at any time.

Then, the "you". I always forgot to mention that actually when there is an application recruitment of Airline's cadet i had taken the form, preparing the needed documents and others thing like you entered the university for first time. Suddenly, i remembered you and whoosh, it just that i threw everything (not really threw it into bin but kept it actually haha) and still thinking that perhaps, i could try it in next year, but for this year let me know you more first. But yeah, it was the earlier month before i get to know you more.

Recently, My mood is really like roller coaster, sometimes it lifts you up until you can touch the sky but sometime it just bring you and feel like to be smashed on the ground. The truth that since the start of the year i feel hopeless with myself, feel hollow and feel unwanted like that. I just try to keep going with my normal life. And by the mid of the 2nd term i feel close to 'dead inside' i mean i do not know to what i can hold on, it is like everything just changed, too fast. Family, friends and colleagues. I can't hold on my life to very close one, like family. I just forget, totally forget, what home feels like. And that's the reason when i threw my airline's thingy, i thought i found someone to hold on, even only for a brief. But at least, i found it.

As time pass by, yeah, i felt better. I moved on from 'dead inside' life to 'full of hope' life. I feel homey once more, and it turned that i got better with everything again. Family, friend and everything. But changes come too soon and it is too fast. I feel like i am striving by myself, now. I put too much effort by myself without getting any return and literally got nothing. I know i am a fool, i even tried to making back a porridge to become rice again once more. Yeah it is so useless and it worsened. And for all this sh*tful talks, i feel more hopeless, unwanted and hollow. Perhaps i just need someone to promise me that everything is going to be alright in the end or at least they try.

*actually sorry for nonsense-talk. It just my way, to express word that never was.

A moment

Second term is coming to an end, although still one month to go. But, from all i have been through i just want to say that i am tired to all of these things. Really tired, i do not know but it is like every day all i want to say was "i give up". i can't profess that i understand God's Plan. but all i know that i have a big faith onto Him. He will not fail me like others did.

Oh anyway, for someone out there. Thank you for everything, i knew it from the start we wouldn't make it but at least thank you for teaching me another lesson of life. To be honest, you have been everything all i think before sleeping and after waking up. I was very happy with everything, the day you asked me to accompany you eating, or just helped you shopping with daily-goods. Especially when you read my mind about everything, i felt surprised when you correctly read my mind not for once but for all of this time. and yeah, you're so awesome because you always have a way to make me happy. Once again, thank you for everything you did. I wish you very good life in the future and good luck on your language school. I know you could go to Harvard summer school's next year.
But, yeah, we can't be together anyway. So let's get back to real life huh? Back to another reality and for better days! it's enough of "a moment"

Random Quote

"God never asks you to be success, He only asks you to try"

-  unknown 

Mid-term is Coming

It has been a while, and all i know that in few days i have to faced another mid-term test! Actually this term is really give me a lot of free time but because of that i look down on some courses and finally got the punishment from God, i got lower mark on my quiz in all courses that i have looked down... I think any courses should be taken seriously huhuhu may the odds be ever in my favor for this mid-term tests! Good luck and basmallah!

Anyway, i forgot to mention that i have found new small family in the new big family! Yeay, i am officially accepted in Management Student Society (MSS) as Staff of Student Development. I meet all new people here who welcoming me very warm too. In my division, that led by Ina and Joan i have my teammates those are Wanda, Vivi and Fathim. I am the only boy in that division anyway haha but they really friendly and good to have fun with. I wish by participate in this society i could develop myself to be better person and succeed in PROMS! One of MSS Main Event that involved in social issue! This year theme gonna be an awesome one, just wait for the news, folks.

"I thought being greatest was the only priority i have, but i am wrong. It is happiness and the faith to God which are come first" This quote, encourage me to not being the greatest without happiness. With happiness you can be the greatest, that is the way how i will live my life. And i finally realised, not all things you can dream big of it, sometimes there are matters that you do not have to dream big and just accepted what you got. It won't lead you to any heartache. My friend said that "Expectation is the root of heartache" I do agree.

Word that Never Was

Word that Never Was just another phrase i had made (Actually i modified from the word "World that never Was") But yeah it totally represents everything. I mean, this blog is intended to express all things that i have never shared to anyone. So most likely, this is another persona of mine. The Introvert side of mine is here. While, The extrovert always stay in public. I won't deny that i am a bit mellow person. I do care with what everyone says about me but sometimes there are things that you can't hold up too much.

The truth, that there were so many things untold, there were so many things being hidden just any words could not come up to explain everything. My friends, most of them, are trustworthy person yet i found that myself hard to tell what i need to tell. So there are things that i would like to tell to my friend, but it just become another silent. I can't explain a word about what i feel inside.

What i feel about now is like a feeling "Where should i go? Does that way? Or this way instead?" I am so confused. I have no a crystal clear purpose to achieve. I do not have long-term goal. I tried to set any goal and objectives but it just a waste. For those outside people may call this like emptiness. I felt this, i mean day by day i didn't feel anything. I just through the day without any feeling. Wake up, study, small talk, sleep. My friends helped me a lot to forget these kinds of thing but in the morning and in the night it just came up again. Every time i sleep, i want to not wake up. I don't want to face the morning. It sucks for being like that.

In my emptiness, i found someone. Someone that (again) i never thought to be important in my life. Someone that makes me feel calm when it was hectic, feel secured when it was not, feel happy when it was sad, feel enjoy while it harsh. I don't know this person could make the feelings like this. But it only when i am with this person, if not, eventually i just come back to who i really am. I thought i had found the motivation even it is not sustainable but at least i found a thing that motivates me.

I thought so... but it didn't happened as i planned. This person did so much things to remember, from simple one like eating together even asking me accompanying in shopping. So much memories we have shared together. Day by day i feel much loved, i feel happiness. But as time goes by all i met was uncertainty, i do not know. I just found that we are too different, i feel so outnumbered. And all we have done now feel like not really memorable and somehow it does hurt. But we still meet up, we still going out together, we still eating together. I do not know, it just feel different. It's okay anyway. Like mother theresa said "I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love" i also feel this. 

Actually things went good, but yeah it is still dwelling in uncertainty. I don't know how to face this, because if i leave i'll be back into emptiness but if not i am just getting suffer by the uncertainty itself.  and somehow i just asked myself again and again 

"So I've got one question. If we love someone so much, can we take it that one day we will be apart? And that being apart is a part of life? Is it possible, that we love someone, and we’re not afraid of losing them? At the same time I was wondering, is it possible that we can live without loving anyone at all?" - Mew in the film of Love of Siam.

If you thought this is an usual teenage problem, then you are wrong. You just never know how to be me. I wish it was just a drug problem than this kind of thing. Oh fyi, the Love of Siam film is very good film. I might post about it later soon!

Btw, there is a thing that i still have and i still keep holding on, which is a faith. Faith to The Mightiest is the only thing who could help me to survive this hardship. Thank God, If i never have you from the start i don't know what happened to me. Thank God.